10 ways Ulquiorra might ask out Hichigo
by Ichiru deathstrawberry
Summary: So, I found this in Tumblr all credits go to the person who wrote this. I hope you enjoy, cause I for sure did! Read & Review like always please!


**So I found these in tumblr and the credits go to the person who wrote them. I just found them funny and thought about posting them here. Once more, these stories belong to the person who wrote them not me. Enjoy!**

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**10 ways Ulquiorra might ask out Hichigo**

Ulquiorra and Hichigo met once. Ulquiorra killed Ichigo…and then Hichigo took over Ichigo's body, dismembered Ulquiorra, and killed him. If that's not a recipe for romance, then I don't know what is! So let's say that Ulquiorra decided to ahead and ask Hichigo out. How might he go about it?

(And yes I'm thinking about vasto lorde Hichigo here, if that makes a difference)

**1. The "homemade present" method.**

Ulquiorra could decided to give Hichigo a thoughtful present. Something he made himself. Like, say, Ishida's severed hand.

**Ulquiorra:** I know you like severed limbs. So I got you this. It's the hand of that Quincy.

**Ulquiorra:** I pulled it off myself. To show my love.

**Hichigo:** I thought you were tryin' to get him to stop using his bow.

**Ulquiorra:** His arrows were basically useless. It was definitely the love thing.

**Hichigo:**I'm all choked up!

**2. The "sweet talk" method.**

Ulquiorra could also just show his affection verbally. Through some good old-fashioned sweet talk.

**Ulquiorra:** I want to pierce you with my love. Which is huge and throbbing and glowing. Like that lance I tried to kill you with that one time.

**Ulquiorra:** Now my only lances are love lances. …Lances of love?

**Hichigo:** Dude, just stop talking.

**3. The "thoughtful gesture" method.**

Ulquiorra takes his zanpakuto, and stabs Hichigo in the stomach. To show his affection.

**Hichigo:** …this is affection?

**Ulquiorra:** What, you don't find stabbing erotic?

**Hichigo:** No, I get that!

**Hichigo:** I'm just creeped out that I apparently have a thing for that Quincy.

**4. The "soul mate" method.**

Ulquiorra points out that he and Hichigo both have hollow holes near their throats. Which makes them soul mates. Or possibly hole mates. …No let's go with 'soul mates.'

**Ulquiorra:** Normally I would put my hand through your throat to mark you as my own, but I do not have to. You are already marked as mine.

**Ulquiorra:** By destiny.

**Hichigo:** My hole is a little lower.

**Ulquiorra:** Shhhh, we're having a moment.

**5. The "nature channel" method.**

Ulquiorra, realizing that he doesn't know anything about how to woo another living creature, watches the nature channel. And there he sees how flirting works between two horned creatures, just like him and Hichigo.

**Hichigo:** …

**Hichigo:** Dude, did you just headbutt me?

**Ulquiorra:** Yes, because it works for goats.

**Hichigo:** …the fuck?

**6. The "woman" method.**

Perhaps Ulquiorra could just ask Orihime for advice about how to ask somebody out. Because she understands emotions a little better than Ulquiorra.

**Ulquiorra:** According to the woman, I must give you this heart-shaped container full of chocolates.

**Ulquiorra:** You consume what is inside this heart, thus sealing our mating contract.

**Hichigo:** Wow, human mating rituals are darker than I realized!

**Ulquiorra:** I know. Cool, right?

**7. The "not-so-secret admirer" method.**

Ulquiorra writes Hichigo a love letter. Or as close to a love letter as he can manage. Then he attaches it to Hichigo's horn (you know, the one that he broke off to release the cero) and leaves it for him. Which doesn't leave much doubt as to who left the note.

**Hichigo:** My horn!

**Hichigo:** I can't believe that guy saved it. How…creepy.

**Ulquiorra:** I saved it because of love feelings.

**Hichigo:** …do you know what a secret admirer is?

**8. The "make an opening" method.**

Ulquiorra kills Ichigo again. Since that's what allows Hichigo to take over the body, in Ulquiorra's experience.

**Ulquiorra:** …

**Ulquiorra:** It doesn't seem to be working.

**Ulquiorra:** Maybe if I scream his name?

**9. The "just do it" method.**

Ulquiorra could go the straightforward and simple route. Tell Hichigo to go out with him, and then say, "Do it" if Hichigo hesitates. It worked when Ulquiorra was face down with Hichigo's foot on his head!

**Ulquiorra:** Go out with me.

**Hichigo:** …

**Ulquiorra: **Do it.

**Hichigo:** ….

**Ulquiorra:** Would it help if I lay down on the ground, and then said it?

**10. The "efficient" method.**

Ulquiorra grabs Hichigo around the throat with his tail and just drags him to dinner.

**Hichigo:** STOP THAT I CAN WALK

**Ulquiorra:** So noisy.

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**So who agree's with me?! Aren't they funny?! XD I was laughing when I read them all! Review please!  
**


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